Monk - eee Magic

So I don`t really feel like blogging very much, but you never really do, so this will be random thoughts and quite boring ones. Especially as I`ve just eaten - Indian food - which has been most of our main meals while in Laos - the Indians sure do get around with their restaurants - the one we just ate in, came here via Malaysia - definitely one way of funding a world tour. Rice and noodles and vegetables can become quite samey, but I love looking at the lao menus - instead of vegetables, they advertise veggie tabbies - makes me think of little kittens roasted in a pan with carrots and brocoli. I am defintely gonna try the river weeds though because we see lots of girls at the river picking them and then washing them. Life in Laos totally revolves around the river - they bathe in it, wash clothes and food in it, you see tons of tiny little girls carrying huge vats of water connected to a wooden board hanging off each shoulder making their way up incredibly steep steps to their houses - they look like the competitorsin the worlds strongest man competitions when they pull cars - and make the same noises and gurn the same faces. A lot of children seem to work here as opposed to go to school, but then a lot also stand staring vacantly in fields with a rake not really doing much at all, which is exactly what I would be like. All of Laos is quite sleepy though, loads of people nap on the job which I think is something that should be transferred into western workplaces. Even at the night markets you often have to tap the vendors a few times in order to buy something from them. We`ve had tons of fun with kids here, I tried to steal a baby that belonged to our guesthouse in Nong Khiaw, we were sure it was a boy because it was so chunky and sturdy and growled a lot and was fixated by lifting up womens skirts, but when they dressed in sequins and gave it a hand bag we realised she was a girl. So many of the little boys are so cheeky - most people wave and shout sabadee - hello as you drive past on your tuk tuk or river boat and it givesyou a sense that this is the land that time forgot where people are courteous and excited to see our white faces and blonde hair and blue eyes and then you`ll wave at a nine year old boy and he`ll gyrate and make pelvic thrusts and kissy faces and it puts you straight back in your place and takes away the patronising haze. Boys will be boys.... Oh but one thing that is very functional but offends my western sensibilities is that all the men who work on the river wander about in their very small very tight underwear - it seems bizarre that we have to keep completely covered from shoulders to knees but they can display their crown jewels so to speak..... I`m still astounded by the men who work the boats how they hop about and run about on the tin roof of the boat and you hear them so light footedly pitter patter as they barge their way out from the mess of all the boats in the harbour.

We went out one day with a fisherman, who just wanted to make a quick buck from us going about his job, and it seemed a pretty high input low output business, most of the fish that he was picking up were the little ones that we`d throw back, but he said it would do for his little boy. They cast out nets that they delicately fold over their bent arm - like a matador with his cape and then fling them and they somehow spread so wide and hit the water in a perfect circular shape. It`s so sad that they mainly bring up bamboo and plastic bits. Our fisherman abandonned us in the middle of the river in the baking heat on a pile of rocks for about an hour while he did some more serious fishing and came back with a substantially sized catfish and was so pleased that he stuck a razor in it attached to a string on the boat and as we went back to sure it bobbed and weaved and spat at the side of me as it struggled against death, not my favourite part.

People are so free with time here even yours so that bus drivers and boatmen make detours to drop their kids off at school or buy a fish or some chickens.

Laos also means temples and buddhist monks - who take a while to get used to looking at because they shave their eyebrows as well as their heads - took me a while to locate what feature was slightly different and I did a lot of offensive staring and scowling at that time.

Today we went round lots of temples (wats) in Luang Prabang - the old capital of Laos - it has lots of faded french indochine glory, very sleepy, by the banks of the mekong. It seems to be a centre for novice monks - universities schools, etc... We were a bit unsure of the protocol when it came to interactions with them, are you supposed to not make eye contact, not talk. But the student monks are just like any teenage boys, only with really appalling music taste. We got commandeered into going into one of their bedrooms in the temple - which was so nice all red and orange and gold - just like the rest of the wat maybe to help the boys maintain their spiritualism, but they just wanted us to write down all the lyrics to the crappy love songs that they listen to so they can sing along. I happily played air guitar and hairbrush kareoke to westlife, but even that was a bit rockin for them. I was like boys we need to expose your ears to some thrash metal, but I suppose that isn`t so conducive to buddhist tranquility and meditation. They weren`t shy at all either, they all clambered to touch maya`s tattoos and asked after if she had a boyfriend and how long shed be in town for and then tld her that they didn`t have to be buddhists all their lives and that they could leave in as short notice as today or tomorrow.

As we head further south in becomes more and more touristy and less rural, but it`s fun to be somewhere urban and with coffee and amazing nightmarkets!!!!!! Can`t wait for Phnom Penh and getting dresses made.... The north was great, full of tons of indigenous villages, vomitting buses, Akkah opium pushing syndicates, markets with roasted rat,but I`ll write about that later.

What else have we done - lots of caves - where villagers hid out when the americans were bombing, entire towns and their infrastructures were transported with special sectionsofthe cave for the mayor or the bank, etc... lots of caves with old buddhas in them - because they can`t destroy images of him, so they hide it, like me with clothes that might come into fashion again so they live under my bed because I can`t face throwing away something so precious. Lots of waterfalls, although as it`s the dry season they aren`t at their most spectacular. BUT I DID GET TO PET A TIGER!!!!!!! OH YES!!! Just like a bigger version of my cat. Tigers stilll live wild in Laos but there are so few now as poachers steal cubs to sell to the chinese who make them into medicine - EVIL!!!!!! So phet the tiger was one such cub but she was rescued, only she had to remain in captivity as she had no hunting skills, or at least that`s what they said. We got to watch her feed - such a scam the lady who was in charge made us eat at her stall first in exchange for the viewing - location location location, all these entrepreneurial loas ladies - we call them the mamas. So the lady rang the bell for dinner time and in came phet to the enclosure for her buffalo, the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Such a top heavy animal, an enormous furry head with a small narrow body - her actual body was no bigger than that of a really big dog - I thought she was going to be like a small elephant for some reason. And her fur was just so flattering to her curves, the lines and the patterns, I may even start wearing tiger print - or not on second thought...

Anyway, a little toddler got to close and phet swiped for her, but no one was too bothered, then as sarah had her back turned phet got up went round and sniffed her, I yelped and sarah moved, but phet has a definite interest inhumans, maybe we smell like chocolate. After everyone else had left the keeper lit up a cigarette and asked us if we wanted to touch her, always pays to hang around. And she felt just like a cat, only bigger. I want one.

They also had rescued black bears at the Kuang Si Falls, who were cute but not as exciting as the tiger even though they stood on their hind legs and looked like they were wearing mickey mouse ears.

So I can say sabadee - hi, lakon-bye, kop jai lai lai - thank you very much, but I always say cock jai lai lai - the terets in me, len-run, soap-mouth and teen-toes (did head shoulders knees and toes in english and then some little boys did it in lao can only remember the mouth because its a cleaning product I use every day and the toes because they are teeny so its onamonapea).

Things we don`ty get used to - cockerels crowing throughout the night, people hocking and coughing up lughies EVERYWHERE!!!! Unfiinshed roads with diggers and rollers going up and down them, nowhere near built roads, being covered in dust after off roading for 8 hours - I thought it was a tan but it was just dirt!!!!

lovely things - emerald rice paddies and the cone shaped hats - they really do wear them not for tourists, monks with yellow bobble hats on bicycles or with umbrellas that they use as parasols. FRESH SPRING ROLLS!!! TRY THEM!!!!! Waterbuffalos - so lazy and fat and each individual flaps independently all the time!! Did you know they come in sandy colours as well as blackÉ

Sorry this one was so long, I don`t expect people to read it all in one go or even at all.