Opium Vomit and Guns

The title of this post very much reveals a few issues that I've had with Laos. We've been travelling on the local buses rather than the VIP tourist buses - for price not authenticity. But each bus ride has been memorable and equally unique. The last one we took to Vientiane the capital, a night bus, was fairly traumatic - for different reasons - the first thing I've realised is that the reason I never get scared or nervous while traveling is because most of the time I am completely oblivious to my fears. Maya seems to be on a mission to allay hers and spark mine. All modes of transport in Laos wait until they are full of passengers and then go fill up with petrol - I guess they keep to prety tight fuel budgets... as we pulled into the petrol station Maya asked why I wasn't nervous and I couldn't think what she meant - but we were on a forecourt with the engine still running and loads of laos people lighting up their cigarettes, it just never occurred to me. I figure it's difficult for us because we live in a nanny state and here they take more risks b/c they are more responsible - that they will have common sense enough to look where they are going and not fall into the open sewer where the pavement had cracked. She also pointed out to me on the journey that the man sitting next to me had an AK47, which made me insanely nervous, expecially as he promptly fell asleep when the bus started and left his machine gun on a bag of rice, I thought if we went over a bump a wrong way I'd get a shot in the head as I was in clear line of fire and when I asked maya to switch seats she refused!! Apparently the men are marshalls in case we get hijacked - for what the locals have??? Many bags of rice??? There are always more bags of rice being transported then people. The whole premise of this bus being a "sleeping" bus was so absurd!!!! There were so many twists and turns and bumps that it's policy that the buses hand out little plastic bags to be sick in. The first time we encountered this lao appreciation vomit was on a truck back from Mueng Sing a little market town on the border w/china, full of minorities - lots of little old hmong ladies who look like cartoon characters - the 7 dwarf ancient buck toothed hmong ladies - there was a dopey and a doc look alike... awh but I mean they were so cute!!! They dress in black and make quilts and crafts w/big chunky shapes of people or animals - looks very african, then there are the thai leu who are so elegant and wear bright greens and pinks with fine little stitched details about the seam and wear their hair in a fancy kind of french twist. Then there are the akkah ladies who seem a little spooked, they wear pink scarves over metallic medallion and beaded headdresses which they reveal for pictures for a price. They get shipped out to every market town in the north and patrol the streets for tourists. As well as nick nacks and handicrafts they sell opium and keep tons of other drugs mixed in in their bags. It took ages to realise what was happening but, we got swarmed by them at lunch and we ended up buying a belt each and giving away most of our food and all of our water, then a western dressed man jumped out of a truck and took all their money!!!! SO horrible, no wonder the akkahs are a little bit harder to deal with.

Oh anyway the vomit bus, sarah sort of had a sense that something bad was about to happen when the akkah family sitting next to us all started sniffing a bit of orange peel, but nothing could have prepared us for the chorus of chundering that happened after, they seemed to set each other off continuously for an hour - then I realised that that would be my personal chamber of hell.

Sometimes bus rides are really really nice and interesting, you see beautiful landscapes - big mountains and little ones juxtaposed, sharp ridges - some so severe they look like fingers on a hand. Lots of roadside villages with thatch huts woven out of palm. The first long bus journey we took, the road wasn't even built yet, it was like off roading some stretches we had to wait until the digger cleared the path or the roller moved off. It was certainly the dustiest ride, it was like going to the salon and getting a spray tan only with dust, I thought it was quite becoming. The pain your rear end felt I can't described it was like riding a galloping 3 legged horse for 8 hours!!!

Still I'd recomend it to anyone!! Oh another integral part of the bus experience that gives you insght into the laos culture - is the whole personal space thing - everyone leans or lies on their neighbour. I had a seat next to an exit, so my thigh was used as a support rail to pull people up on. But Laos people are so kind and generous - they share blankets and oranges, give lifts everybody in it together - I think the communal wee stops on the side of the road solidifies the bond. You actual forget that it's a communist country - more in name than anything else until you get to the capital and they have hammer and cickle flags flying - the only visible forms of communism that I've seen are the flag and the fact that only 1 brand of beer exists - beer lao, but it's a proper lager so who needs fosters or any crap import? The tuk tuk drivers in Vientiane are unionised though and have a chart of costs of journeys, not that you can't haggle even over that - just b/c it's on a laminated piece of paper doesn't mean it's official. But Laos nice b/c it doesn't have the hard sell of vietnam or thailand

Now we're heading down south and it is so so different. The north is completely rural and people live like peasants, thatch huts, bathing and washing in the river, some do have satelite though and everyone knows who david beckham is, Luang Prabang is sleepy and dreamy and very french and old world loveliness, you can see why those ex pats had such a good time, vientiane is all hussle and bussle and urban sprawl with no street names or planning - a lot like costa rica. I definitely see why people prefer the north.

Little things that I've noticed - there are tons of babies here and no kreshes, so most people leave their babies in the next room under mosquito netting, only it looks like the chicken nets they use to trap them.

I find the little boys here really easy to get on w/, we each try and top each other with bruce lee impressions, screeching and kicking.

A lot of the ethnic minority women now where synthetic blue and pink towels around their heads instead of the traditional pretty headdresses.

All the little baby girls have their ears pierced with thread and as they get bigger the earrings get chunkier and heavier - the adult earrings in the lanten village were impossibly thick for me to put through my ear.

Oh I forgot to talk about the trek we did - stayed in a village, had the best picnic ever on a banana leaf - such a good theme, had dinner with the chief and basically he said everyone was happy, they have a school, have a charter, have elected representatives, have a big party every year for the harvest festival, only wish they had better medical facilities - or some at least. So
funny because there were tons of pigs wandering about and they all loved sitting on the cinders and we thought to ourselves piggy piggy piggy if only you knew the irony. Went to a lanten village, where the girls were insanely pale and beautiful. They struggled to put an ethnic jacket on maya, and started pulling stitching out to get it to fit, then eventually found one somewhere in the village that was especially made for white people or was just a maternity dress. Ohhhh and they caught and killed and roasted small big cats and kept the skins on a stick by the bbq as decoration!!! The second day of the trek, we drank boiled water from the village that tasted like they';d scooped ash directly into it, that made my tummy feel awful and for once in my life I didn't want to eat, I am only sorry that the pain has gone, I hope to get it again as a dieting method.

Market in Luang Nam Tha - lots of fruit and rice and coconut sweets, and live animals - frogs all tied together to stop them hopping away, insects that looked like scarob beatles, roasted rat!!! At the meat counter there were bowls full of jellied blood that would be cleavered and wobble as it went into the bag. Furry lungs! White intestines!!!!

Ok that's it, I was gonna put pictures on but the battery switched off!!!!! Next time....